Yes, the country has officially gone crazy. After being locked in our homes and away from our jobs which give so many of us purpose and connection it seems we have become more polarized than at any other time in our country’s history.
We sit in front of our computers as I am right now and shoot off comments on social media about how we are right and everybody else who doesn’t share our feelings is not just wrong but the epitome of evil. It’s a sad place to be as a country.
It’s been on my mind lately, and when I came upon the picture above of an old porch swing on an empty front porch the inspiration for this post came flooding to me. I’m, not one to complain about things without first having a solution in mind. I never know if my ideas will work, but I feel that it is just a waste of time to bitch about something if I’m not willing to at least try to fix it.
What’s Wrong With Us?
The question that has been grating on me is “why?” Why does it feel like we are so polarized when I watch the news or scroll through social media, but when I talk with my neighbors go to any store or public place where there are other people everyone seems to get along fine?
There are always people walking around without a filter, but it seems that in person most of us are still polite, upright citizens who don’t wish harm or ill-will on our neighbors. We largely want to be left alone to live our lives in whatever way we choose. We want the freedom to be ourselves.
In 2020, when a worldwide pandemic hit us we all retreated into our safe spaces and stopped interacting with other people the way we always have. We stopped hugging. We stopped kissing, shaking hands, stopped hanging out, stopped socializing and always had our guards up to keep us safe from the virus.
We got mad at people who didn’t wear masks (or who did wear masks). From our couches we had to pick sides and defend our position. We struggled to get reliable information about a virus that nobody really knew anything about and we got angry when somebody heard different facts from ours.
In a world of confusion and fear we didn’t have the one thing that can actual calm us and connect us and that was personal connection. Human touch is a necessary thing for us to thrive. The Huffington Post put it this way:
“In fact, ‘failure to thrive’ in human infants has been shown to result from lack of individualized, nurturing, physically affectionate parental care, whether in an orphanage or due to extreme parental neglect. Babies’ brains expect that they will experience nearly constant physical touch, rocking and cuddling: without it, they just don’t grow. And without receiving kind empathetic care, they are less likely to behave that way towards others as they get older.”
I’m not saying that grown ups are exactly the same as babies, but when you take a society of 330 million people and you prevent them from touching or even being closer than 6 feet for over a year there are bound to be consequences to the levels of stress that we are able to cope with. You have taken away our biggest coping mechanism which is that physical touch we all crave so much.
How Do We Fix It?
As a historic preservationist I spend a lot of time looking at history to try and understand things today. History is a great teacher and one that we often overlook. We believe that we know so much more today than we did 100 years ago and so the ways of those “simpletons” is irrelevant to what we are dealing with today.
Those simple people may have lived in a different time, but humans don’t evolve that quickly. Our lizard brain still can’t tell the difference between an impending bear attack and an incoming call from your ex. So while your conscious mind may understand what is happening the emotional part of your brain, called the Amygdala, is still living in a cave and excited about the prospect of eating Sabre-toothed tiger for dinner.
When I look back into history there was a simple solution that came to mind and that was the front porch. We used to go sit there and enjoy the weather, our families, and our neighbors. It’s almost like the front porch was designed for a post-COVID world. We can talk at a safe distance, in an outdoor setting, and avoid the social media cesspool that makes us all crazy. Your neighborhood is not all Republican or Democrat either, unlike the Facebook groups you belong to.
No, it’s not perfect, most neighborhoods are still fairly homogenous when it comes to race, income, and other factors, but you don’t get to hand pick your neighbors like you do your Facebook friends. You can’t cancel them and they can’t cancel you. We’re forced to get along at least on some level with those around us. To be civil. To be respectful. The front porch makes that possible.
The front porch is the tip of the iceberg to show us that while we may disagree on things, we are not all that different. We want the best for our children and grandchildren. We want our parents to live long healthy lives. We want our streets clean and safe. We want to respected. We don’t need to agree on much other than the fact that my pursuit of happiness does not have to infringe on yours. And even though I may disagree down to my core with what you believe I can still wave to you from my front porch and be the neighbor I would like you to be to me.
Am I wrong? Tell me your thoughts in the comments below. And while I can’t control what appears on social media I can control the comments on this post so please, only respectful comments as if we were all face to face talking on the front porch.
Founder & Senior Editor
I love old houses, working with my hands, and teaching others the excitment of doing it yourself! Everything is teachable if you only give it the chance.